My so-called life

a new year, but still the old song

2006-01-02T22:22:00.000+08:00

Time has changed but people does not. Perhaps there are changes but sadly as it seems, all changes has its recourses...

As much as we all want to take another good pace in our lives, it keeps us hanging loose... when we want to go for it, something pulls us back. always. and it is what makes us sad.

Another is to put our dreams to the drain when all had pulled us back to reality.

Life has truly its ups and downs but as said, we are what we choose and it is never too late to choose what we can still save for ourseleves.

Maybe, if we can change our way of thinking, then perhaps it would be better for our future. But what the heck, we always choose what our hearts desire, not what our head tells us to do. Unfortunately. How sad it can be at times but it is who we really are.

As said, it's a new year... a new start but same old song is still played...

summer heat blends in with my temper...

2005-04-24T17:43:00.000+08:00

Who in this country wont agree that this humidity is too harmful? I mean, the sun really stings as it touches your skin. It's quite painful. I am sure you felt that too, if you're living in Phils that is. My surrounding seems full of chaos even when it is really just the weather that tire everyone around. I also hate the sticky feeling.

Try taking a bath and as soon as you step out from the shower, you will already feel the humidity. It's disastrously tiring. You feel much more exhausted out of the weather.

Have a great Sunday y'all! Just try to take a bath with cold water and add a slice of lemon to your cold drinking water so you'll be hydrated.

The mixture of coffee and conversation

2005-04-23T12:10:00.000+08:00

Generally, I believe that women are better conversationalist than men. Whether the topic's senseless or not, women never ran out of topics to talk about. Like I do not ran out of ideas to write about? hmm...

Last night, I went to have coffee with a friend from highschool. We decided to have it at Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf, I then changed my mind to have their Chai Tea Latte instead of coffee to avoid from being an owl for the night. While waiting for my cup (it's not really a cup but more of tall cup/glass thingy), my eyes roamed around and checked the gender ratio in the cafe.

Out of approximately 50, 40 were women and none of them did not just sat there to listen. They tallked and talked nonstop... unbelievable! Our orders arrived then my friends started with her share of endless stories while I, on the other hand, was not listening but just observing the customers. I didn't realize my latte was getting cold until I spilled some unto my lap. I kept apologizing to my friend as obviously, I was not listening to her whims. But, she just smiled and handed me some table napkins. Don't you love your gal pals when something like this happens?

Anyway, we decided to close the night and hit the road back home. On the other hand, my mind's filled so much thoughts I dcided to take a walk. I really appreciated the silence around me, the dim lighted Max Brenner cafe and the aroma of a chocolate cup delivered to a table near me invited and lured me in... To my surprise, I let this sensation in and I saw someone I truly never wanted to see... and never thought this could ever happen... not even to my most unwanted nightmare!

A friend whom I datd for quite awhile. He was wearing that parfum again! Oh darn... Nevertheless, I knew the lady he was with and she looked good in that black suit. We were all so awkwardly saying hi and hello to each other when I just politely said goodbye and left. Darn chocola't! My mind still wont come to a halt... I got home exhausted with a mind that still wandering around. Read! That's what I should do to somehow get my brain off from wandering... I grabbed my paperback and started reading but I cant concentrate reading. Sigh... I cant resist so I grabbed my phone, hit my bestfriend's number and there we go... out for a cup of mind soothing coffee and a nightlong chat... what a nice way to end a day.

La bonne communication est le café aussi stimulante que noire et tout comme dur à dormir après.

Good communication is as stimulating as black coffee and just as hard to sleep after. -Anne Morrow Lindberg, "A gift from the Sea"

Consequences

2005-04-16T00:56:00.000+08:00

I have learned long time ago that anything we take on this life has its consequences and we should be responsible for our own actions. Sad to say, some people simply do not have even the slightest drive to do so. They leave their mess to someone else's hands. I could say I'm a victim... a chosen victim.

It's not unlikely to happen to you or someone you know. I had my share too. I cannot really say specifically what they are but surely, one or two gave me a big blow in the head! Like a shotgun hit me three times right through my chest!!!

It sounds unbelievable to some as the transparency of my depression is well hidden. But to those who knows me, they know and show sympathy at once.

A couple of times I made decisions I cannot say I did not regret, but I chose them.

A lot of times I've shed tears that I could fill up a number of pails with it! Needless to say, it is truly unworthy but that was my only output. I was having an emotional unnecessary overload I had to get some off my system. I'm not even sure if this still makes sense, I mean, my writing...

I thought of the ramifications of my actions... have I gone too sour when it comes to romantic relations? Or was it because I just had enough of this sweet talks and bitter endings? Still, the unsatisfied analysis of my deep thought wanders around. Asking and thinking the possibilities of each CONSEQUENCES. Darn, life is such a big wonder that no one can really define it.

Nevertheless, I'm having my rest day so better rest my darn nonstop thinking brain... make me sleep!!!!

La création de quelque chose nouveau n'est pas accomplie par l'intellect mais par l'instinct de pièce agit de la nécessité intérieure. L'esprit créatif joue avec les objets qu'il aime.

The creation of something new is not accomplished by the intellect but by the play instinct acting from inner necessity. The creative mind plays with the objects it loves. - Carl Jung (1875 - 1961)

A new ritual

2005-04-15T09:11:00.000+08:00

This morning, I just had this wonderful chocolate donut with Jay, Aubrey and Dia. At a bite, I never really thought it's crazily addictive! Didn't think Aubrey's warning, after all, is true... but no regrets at all! In fact, I'm so glad that the sugar lovin' part of me fired up and next thing I knew, I secretly made an oath to myself that this incredible piece will now be a part of my daily routine. \(^.^)/

It's Friday and it's payday!!! Whoohoo!!! Dang, bills to pay... bills, bills, bills... Nonetheless, enjoy the fruit of your work! :)

"Si vous pouvez compter votre argent, vous n'avez pas un milliard de dollars. "
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
- J. Paul Getty (1892 - 1976)

Being so rationally fabulous!

2005-04-15T06:33:00.000+08:00

I do not really dig, though I try to understand, these people who thinks they're too great of a person that they know ALL... Self proclaimed "changed" individuals towards a better life with poor attitude and irrational ways of thinking. What a damned, twisted perspective!

Crappy, hypocrite people... in short, these emotionally unstable individuals cannot be easily trusted and most often than not, their sincerity is as thin as a cigarette smoke. Because of their emotional exaggeration, their logic seems to narrow down and then welcomes self-pity, insecurity and envy with open arms. Don't they just freak you out? I mean, they're self-destructing, unstable beings.

Maybe you're wondering why I wrote this... Just so happened that I am currently dealing with one of these unstable freaks. A self-proclaimed logical and righteous, this person is someone anyone can call "desperado" or should I say, "desperada" (since I'm dealing with a female of this specie). Well... she had been throwing untrue and negative things about me since 2 years ago when I was left with her (until now) but I just laugh at her. I have earned and maintained the respect & trust from the people I met, and this I believe she is very insecure about, as she does not have that. She wants me to be like her, so to say, screaming her enviousness and threw negative things about me out to those people whom I am close to. Pathetic isn't it? I mean, these people know me better than her. Why would they listen? It's disgustingly annoying but for years, I let it be.

An unwanted advice: One time she called me and insisted that I read this self-help book "Being happy". Heck, she sent me the book. In fairness for her effort sending it to me, I read the first few pages though inside me awkwardly asks ‘what the hell do I need a self-help book for happiness?’ I am happy as ever! This is a crap. Just because I was very worried for someone close to me who got himself in a temporary state of deep black pit of debts, I should read that? What's the relevance? I mean, what is the relevance of happiness in solving the problem? Novertheless, I kept it to myself and shared this as a joke to my husband, who simply said he'll check out the book but did not touch it ever again! So... I scanned my books and found "Chicken soup for the unsinkable soul" where it inculcates stories of survival, hope and encouragement, perfect for dealing with such problem. Finally, I decided, I’ll hand it over to Mr. problematic someone.

Worse was, the time came when she got beyond the sheltered boundary of my patience. I am but, just human. I was on the verge of confronting her. And so I did. As expected, she just avoided me, and the spat I proposed. Let alone her twisted mind and erroneous insight, as she is erratically absurd. There seems to be no sense wasting my time. I was literally talking to the wind!!! How rude can she be! And that you call "righteous"? Unbelievable idealism, isn't it? I then remembered an American writer Harlan Ellison who once said "The two most common elements in the universe are Hydrogen and stupidity." A perfect description to what surrounded me that day!

Instead welcoming any negative sentiment or ideas, I felt a pang of pity for her. I have known this person for a long time and did not realize she had hidden such an enormous angst inside her against everyone that surrounded her.

Nevertheless, they say that "birds who have the same feather flocks together" and... I am so proud to say I do not belong to her flock! Ha! I never felt so rationally fabulous like this. But hey, my feet's still on the ground. I'm just simply lovin' it! ;P

"C'est pour mieux être violent, s'il y a la violence dans nos coeurs, que mettre le manteau de non-violence pour couvrir l'impotence. "

It is better to be violent, if there is violence in our hearts, than to put on the cloak of nonviolence to cover impotence.
- Mahatma Gandhi

The power of mind and motivation

2005-04-14T06:45:00.000+08:00

No matter how difficult life can sometimes be, It just takes a bit of inspiration and practical thinking to bring out that hidden motivation inside ourselves. Some may think it ain't easy, but hey, who says life is an easy journey? Life's supposed to make us realize what it is our purpose, the worth of our existence on this world.

Some would probably think I may not making sense or some would... But hey, this is me. This is my blog... The place where I pour our my sentiments and thoughts... :)

"Un humain est seulement s'intéresse s'il est dans le contact avec se. Je vous ai appris doit vous fier, être que vous êtes, et faire que vous devriez faire la façon vous devez le faire. Vous avez obtenu pour vous découvrir, que vous faites, et le fier. "

A human being is only interesting if he's in contact with himself. I learned you have to trust yourself, be what you are, and do what you ought to do the way you should do it. You have got to discover you, what you do, and trust it.
- Joanne